Table of Contents

A record of the unprecedented, surreal year that was 2020. And a summary of my own year, plus hopes for 2021. Fair warning: this post is stream of consciousness with no pretense of structure—written from late 2020 to early 2021.

Prologue

One winter day in 2019, I was eating dinner in a discussion room near my office at school when news from China about Wuhan’s lockdown due to an unidentified virus was just becoming a topic of conversation. I can barely remember whether I was eating a cheap Burger King meal or yesterday’s leftovers—only that we joked about it, not particularly worried about our own safety here in the US. International students were scouring every platform trying to send masks back to China, little knowing that a couple months later the CDC would be pleading with Americans to just wear any cloth over their faces. I’ve thought countless times about where I’d be without the pandemic, but honestly, it brought not just pain but also a certain psychological growth.

I was still looking forward to spring break when I found myself gripped by anxiety over the US outbreak. In hindsight, that initial wave was barely a blip compared to what followed. Fortunately, my Chinese friends had prepared early, and family back home had shipped boxes of masks. Some astute professors had already moved online before spring break, and our university had Zoom ready. From that point on, I officially became a home-sitting PhD student.

What did over ten months of isolation teach me?

I can survive a few hours without power, but a few hours without internet means naptime.
I don’t actually need as much socializing as I thought.
But catching up with old friends is genuinely enjoyable.
Physical health really matters! I’ve been doing home workouts consistently since then.
Treating yourself to a nice meal once in a while is important for morale.
I’m significantly more productive in the office than at home.
If a class doesn’t require cameras on, attendance will dwindle.
Isolation gave me time to try new things, like learning an instrument.
I’m “guilt-driven”: slack off too long and the guilt kickstarts productivity :)
The expressiveness of spoken language is genuinely very limited.

Emotional Intelligence

The lockdown lifestyle also sparked a desire to reconnect with old friends. After having some deep conversations, my understanding of both myself and others leveled up—it’s actually a wonderful feeling. Realizing “wait, they would actually do that?” can be genuinely shocking.

Honestly, I’m the type who doesn’t bother with small talk unless I’m genuinely close with someone. During this period, my human interactions were basically limited to academic/project discussions, hanging out with neighbors, and the occasional grocery store chat (and only because I scanned the wrong barcode or bought alcohol at the self-checkout). After almost a year with minimal socializing, I found I could still function—boring at times, sure, but I could keep myself entertained. But what about another year? Or ten? Maybe I should find some company.

One good realization: it’s okay to rely on others when you need help. One person’s abilities are limited. I used to stubbornly handle everything alone, but asking for help often pays off massively. Some bugs I’d debug for hours could be spotted by an experienced person in three seconds.

Technical Growth

The more you work in tech, the more you realize how much you don’t know. —ya0guang

Three semesters into my PhD, with three co-authored papers still unpublished. Getting accepted feels partly like a matter of luck, and having your work overlap with someone else’s is particularly frustrating. But looking at it differently: maybe I’ll get to see all three published at once? Silver linings?

Everyone else is so much better

Twitter is a great app—it constantly reminds you of your own inadequacies. Like the undergrad who built an OS and a database in Rust by sophomore year. Or undergrads deeply into PL research. Or researchers publishing at top venues left and right.

There are also first-year PhDs landing internships, while I struggled to even get interview invitations.

As the saying goes: the gap between people can be larger than the gap between species.

Avoid Dead-End Technologies

A constant reminder to myself: avoid spending too much time with outdated or dying tech stacks. Otherwise, you’ll end up like the punchline of that old joke about the railroad dispatcher.

Should We Endlessly Chase Technology?

“My life has a limit, but knowledge has none. To pursue the limitless with the limited is perilous.” — Zhuangzi

Lifelong learning is essential, but should I try to master everything? Years ago, I dreamed of becoming an omniscient hacker, but now I realize how deep each technology stack goes. For now, I still need to chase the tech—but I hope to eventually build things on my own terms.

Material Desires

Working from home meant I moved to a cheaper apartment and saved up for some things I’d always wanted.

Desktop PC

Patience pays off! By late 2020, all the major hardware releases had finally landed (except Intel, which was disappointing as usual). Despite supply chain issues, I managed to snag everything I needed before 2021. My build:

Motherboard: MSI MAG X570 Tomahawk
PSU: SUPER FLOWER Leadex III 750W 80+
SSD: Sabrent 1TB Rocket NVMe PCIe 4.0 + Samsung PM981 500GB
GPU: MSI Ventus 3070 3X
RAM: G.SKILL Trident Z RGB 2×16GB
AIO Cooler: MSI MAG CORELIQUID 240R
Case: MSI MPG SEKIRA 100R (fans included)
Mouse: Razer Viper Ultimate
Monitor: ROG PG279Q
Controller: Xbox Controller + Battery Kit

“AI” Smart Home

The “AI” here should be read as “Artisanal Intelligence”—as in manually assembled. My smart home runs entirely on a Raspberry Pi. I picked up a 4GB Pi 4B (only to discover they later released an 8GB version…), hooked up a WD 10TB HDD, and set up Samba for local file storage.

WiFi throughput on the Pi was disappointingly limited—never breaking 10MB/s—so I got a budget Redmi WiFi 6 router with Ethernet. The Pi also doubles as a media box and torrent client. It never gets a break.

Miscellaneous

Sony WH-1000XM4
A secondhand Yamaha keyboard
An IKEA BLÅHAJ shark!!!

Summary

This surreal 2020 year-in-review dragged on until the equally surreal 2021 to finish writing. Yet 2021 opened with a barrage of news about virus mutations. Truly exhausting. I just hope the world returns to normal soon.

#Life #Caprice

Reflections on 2020